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I realize that my life changes recently have been a lot for folks to keep up with. Sometimes I have a hard time. I might have a harder time if where I am didn't feel so right.  I feel like I leapt, when I would've otherwise clung to a burning air balloon. And I partly flew, and I partly fell, and I was most definitely carefully set back down on the ground by someone who will never leave my life, ever. That's my wish, anyways.
So basically I came away feeling like I hadn't meant that much to her anyway. Which was only more frustrating, as I was feeling taken advantage of for my cooking, cleaning, shopping, and general house care. Oh, and did I mention that my value was apparently much lower as an unemployed dot.com worker? Everything's dandy as long as I'm bringing in more money. Nah, I'm not bitter. (I'm just getting started.) Anyway... bottom line, my relationship with Heidi was certainly headed this way. Lauren, in her own special way, showed me the ignition to the rocket and away we went.
Lauren does amazing things to me. She points out animals and birds to me, because she knows I like them. She could really give a flying fuck. Lauren made me realize that eating shit for food isn't worth it, that everything should excite your tastebuds. She's currently working on making me believe that she loves me completely. ("Completely? I don't understand.") That's me being hard-headed, something else |
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So how did I get here? Here's the executive summary: I was in an open relationship where I was allowed to find someone who was too amazing to ever let go -- Lauren. This caused problems, naturally. And while I was willing (not saying effective) to work through the issues, as I had promised, still, Heidi asked me to leave. Twice. And I also know this: Heidi never once explicitly asked me to stop seeing Lauren.
Lauren both understands and can deal with. She can deal with me being a cry-baby and butch. She leaves me alone and I have time and space to think for myself. And she gets in my face and won't let me brush shit off, like it's not important when I'm really concerned. And I'm such a pro at that! 
She gives me this look. And she loves me. Always. It's amazing.
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